Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
