No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
