when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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