just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
