If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
