dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
