My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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