The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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