I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
