I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
