Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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