i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
