I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
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