so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
3 2 1 whiskey
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
