I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
