I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
