Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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