if you like me you must not know who I am
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
