This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
BRING THE BAGELS
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
