He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
