Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
