Already got asked if we're dating
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
