I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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