You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
