Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
