I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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