I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
