she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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