if you like me you must not know who I am
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
