Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
