3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
