You really coming over, don't trick.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When did angry sex become our thing?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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