My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
