At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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