Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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