i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
