my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
