I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I cannot find my penis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
