i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The dick lei will go down in squad history
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
