Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
