see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
