some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
