You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
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I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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