There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
