Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
