I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
