wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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