Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
