Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
