woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I could fuck to npr.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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