I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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