just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
