He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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