Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jerry, you need to find god
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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