Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
