took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
