You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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