I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
