I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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