he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
