i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
