:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
