We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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