he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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