I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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