Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
