he wants to bone in the snuggie
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BRING THE BAGELS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
