Plan B is the new Plan A
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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