Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
how drunk are you?
Several
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
