i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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