what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
