remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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