I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
