I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
