it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
