seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize