we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
