May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
