this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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