i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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