i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
