I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
