hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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