Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
