HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
