he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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