Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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